(no subject)

A predictable pattern. You feel flighty in your current relationship for a period, so you become accessible. Suddenly I'm not bothering you and a step further, I'm not talking to you enough. Test for relate-ability... Sure we get along. So I don't really ever want to entertain it because what's the point, your best friend disappeared years ago. But I don't really ever want that to be true, so I've begun to warm up to you again... and again we get to this point where you have this reassurance that you are were you're supposed to be and then.... the test is over? And... I don't know why I thought I might be getting a friend back. What a silly, stupid thought to entertain.

post hardcore, black, male, poc, post punk

DEAR JOURNAL:

This is our 10 year anniversary.  A 14 year old Daryl learned how to be vague on the internet.  With the assistance of poor grammar and a train of thought that never seemed to construct itself in the same manner most thoughts from others do.  HEY BABE
post hardcore, black, male, poc, post punk

(no subject)

I've been gone for a long time. I could never keep a personal journal. There are a few private entries here... It's hard to roll with the changes these days. I used to be able to read so much of the goings-on of my friends. Now the single person that still clings to writing here is barely a hue in the portrait of my days. It is strange to finally be all 'grown up.' On the floor of a new york penn station, just on your way home 6:00am. (sigh) I used to think people changed very needlessly until a few months ago. For years I believed that people, more specifically my friends, forced unnecessary change into an unchanging world that they or I could barely make claim to having had an honest role of participation.

But that's a little unfair to say, I suppose. A person has to measure them self against something in this world. Over the past year and a half, for me, it's been managing my long term planning. It worked out well for 13 or so months. Saving money in my own irrational way. Just layer cakeslpZG

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post hardcore, black, male, poc, post punk

(no subject)

Slow slide back into an old miserable life starts now.  

I would give everything to be swallowed up in my own bed tonight, that or on a bus to MA in October.

2am Calltime tomorrow.  Early goodnight
post hardcore, black, male, poc, post punk

(no subject)

Some people have no fucking respect. So many people I know are having it rough either just starting their life or in the middle of their adulthood. Just to hear people I love upset because some idiot fuck who probably is in a better of situation decided that they'd impress their friends... Whatever. Fuck people

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post hardcore, black, male, poc, post punk

(no subject)

Jesus Christ look at where I am again. I wasted soo much time... I might as well be talking to my fucking self. I can't stand being lied under a thin film of morality that's considering a shield to my feelings. Be an adult

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post hardcore, black, male, poc, post punk

(no subject)

How many times as a child did you beg your parents for something then completely ruin it. Bed them for a toy and set it on or leave it in a sand box. Tie it to a string and throw it out of the window of a moving vehicle. How does that translate as an adult? How does that translate to our relations with other people?

I've been punished multiple times this summer for actually behaving maturely. Not what I think defines maturity but how maturity is reflected in who I am today. Maturity after being a teenager that fills up 16oz cocacola bottles with butane and lights a park on fire. That behavior doesn't go away nor is it repressed. It just matures with knowledge and wisdom.
Sigh
I don't care how people understand my discussion.
I am thoughtful and compassionate. My ideals are actually put into practice in my life. I am honest about who I am and where I'm from and in the same breath I care about how I can relate to others.
Why should I be made to feel like a monster while I'm going through this. I

I wish I was fucking at work.

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post hardcore, black, male, poc, post punk

Reality Check

My birthday was 22 days ago. 

It used to take a full weeks pay to make a five minute phone call 40 years ago.

5 minutes of I love you every 7 days made relationships that last until today.